cudramacat's Xanga

New Blog!

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:43:16 GMT

Helloooooo again!
Well, I decided that I was ready for a change so I have a new blog:
http://www.lizharvey.wordpress.com

It's very pretty and hopefully the change will motivate me to update more often. I am not deleting xanga because I want to keep up with my friends on here but you should check me out, bookmark me, and leave a comment because I do so love my comments:)
hugs

Monday, December 24, 2007

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 19:45:29 GMT

Merry Christmas, all!

Recognition

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 01:26:46 GMT

So, this evening, I was working in the box office and a lady came up to the window to get her ticket. Before she left she said
    "Weren't you in the Vagina Monologues?"
    "Yes, I was," I said.
    "I really enjoyed the performance. You all did such a good job with that!"

It made me feel good....I don't get that a lot but I like it:)

22

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 06:11:27 GMT

It's my Birthday!:)

Thanks to all my friends and family who are making it wonderful!

Love and hugs:)

Forgotten....

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:20:43 GMT

...am I? Forgettable I mean....am I?

When I was working at the movie theater it took a while before I would ask people I recognized if they remembered me because I didn't want their answer to be "no." In college, I have found that after a performance I need the validation of a "good job."Most actors like to have this but not because I sometimes need it as a reminder that people remembered me/my performance. Although, I will say that more recently I have been very good about not fishing for the "good jobs" and it has made me feel even better because now I'm not talking to people to get that, but rather they are complimenting me of their own free will and it is much more validating. I don't doubt that the people who complimented me before meant it, but now I don't search for it so that is definite growth for me.

Anyway, where this all stems from. I haven't felt this forgettable feeling in a long time-until Friday. I was in directing class and I was acting in another director's scene and left the room while he got directing notes from our professor. Well, he forgot to come get me until they were into the next scene. It didn't really make me mad and I was in a good mood so I saw the humor in it at the time but then later it made me wonder: how does somebody just forget someone else like that? It was unintentional and I don't blame him because I'm not mad and it was a mistake, the rest of class was just going with the flow of the scenes (these have been what I use to reassure myself with this weekend) but the professor (who I really like and respect and who likes me and has had me as a student before and cast me in a show) forgot. I don't think a professor should forget a student like that I think that is what really got to me. I mean, he apologized...I know it was an honest mistake but it made me wonder. Like today I was in a meeting for a creative inquiry class and we had some guests in and we were having a discussion and I gave my 2 cents and then I wondered "will they remember me? Because I haven't participated as much as some other people in this discussion." I'll go a while without feeling this way or realizing that I feel this way and then one little thing will trigger me and in every social situation I can't help but wonder. Sometimes it's specific people who do little things or don't do things that were never meant to affect me (like forgetting to say bye, or not hearing me when I say hello) but it still affects me.

I don't really know what else to say....that's been on my mind so I thought I would write about it. I am growing a lot right now but it's sort of in progress so I'll tell you about that another time. I guess I just need reassurance. When I do ask people if they recognize me from wherever, I've never had anyone say no.....knock on wood.

and sometimes doors slam

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 19:44:26 GMT

So, after the music minister left the assistant music minister said she would like to be head music minister despite all the crap the head music minister had gone through. She knows what she is doing but despite the fact that she loves God, loves church, and loves music and had been the assistant for many years the church would not vote her in and started looking elsewhere for a music minister.

She left the church. She had attended church at Open Door since it was a group of people meeting in someone's home each week and the church was so split that she left. I don't blame her but it's sad. I hope her and her fmaily find a new home church that they love without forgetting where they came from.

I also hope that the small group of higher-ups in the church who are trying to run things their way realize that their way isn't necessarily God's way and that God's way doesn't involve lying, dictating, or rumor spreading.

Since officially declaring on this blog that while I love Open Door for certain reasons, I no longer consider it my home church I have felt a great sense of relief. It was something I was wrestling with for a while and to finally have it resolved feels nice. Open Door will pull through stronger than ever.

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger....pray for them.

Sometimes open doors close

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:19:08 GMT

I first started attending Open Door the summer before eighth grade. Everything I knew about that church remained constant for 5 years but once I got to college, things started to change. My youth pastor left and a new one was hired. The other people my age in the church who had been coming to Sunday school with me every week stopped coming (understandable because we were all off at school but they stayed away during school breaks too). I think most of these people still attended church services but I mostly went to Sunday school, not always service so I saw them a lot less. I was no longer in youth choir, and no longer attended VBS during the summers.

Then last year the head music minister and his family left the church. Now, the pastor and his family have also left. The changes have happened over several years but it hit me all at once and I realized how much I miss seeing certain people in Sunday school each week, youth group outings, and goofing off in choir rehearsal. For a while now I've felt that this church no longer satisfied my spiritual needs but I still attend on school breaks because it's familiar. While Open Door will always hold a place in my heart, it is no longer my home. I love the people but the ones that gave me a home there have left and made new homes.

While those people were there, it was the place that I thought I would come back to with my children on visits home (and I may) but now I realize that more that anything, it's not about showing them what I had (because I can't) but it's about making sure they have a church family and experience as rich as mine wherever my home church is when I have children.

There is a lot of uproar in the church right now: they cannot decide on a music ministerand now they face the task of finding a new pastor. Open Door is a great church and right now is a hard time for everyone there and I know that it will come out stronger than ever but I want to hold onto the memories and lessons I have gained from attending there and let them decide what they need, because I know what I need cannot be found there and it's silly to hold onto something that no longer exists. I am not giving up on the church, and I hope everyone who currently attends continues to attend, but it is no longer right for me. I will cherish the memories, lessons, and friendships I have gained there and will most certainly visit but I am officially declaring that Open Door is no longer my home church. I will continue to attend DCF in Clemson...I have really learned how great it is to attend church with friends and then when I start the next chapter of my life in NYC next year, I will begin the search for a new home church - one where I will make new memories and gain new lessons and hopefully many friendships.

Long time, not type...

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 02:40:07 GMT

So, it's been three months.....good to be back on the blog. I have honestly thought about deleting this but I love reading everyone else's blog....makes me feel connected to people I don't get to see a lot so that wasn't an option so here I am. I really like blogging, just have to be in the right mood and not insanely busy; a combo that's hard to find sometimes. Anyway, I've been doing some writing recently. I use to write all the time when I was younger then life happened and I got out of the habit but having taken 2 poetry courses this past school year and being involved with WordBridge which just made me want to create, I have gotten back into the habit somewhat. It's a really great release for me. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing what I'm writing but it's just a nice way to let go and completely be myself and I always feel better afterwards. Anyway, what I've written recently isn't meant to be anything specific; not a poem or monologue, just undefined writing. So I may start posting some of my writing on here just to get some feedback, see what ya'll think. I'm not posting anything right now because everything is so fresh and unrefined but eventually some of it may get on here. So, a lot has happened since my last post and I won't even try to catch ya'll up but life has been busy, amazing, eye opening, fun, stressful at times, and exciting. I think that's all for now but as life continues to happen, I will continue to blog and I will definitely try to blog more frequently.

Love, love, love

life as a movie...

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 02:50:11 GMT

So you know the montages in movies where they show different clips of the girl who has it all doing whatever it is she does set to mood appropriate music but there's still that one thing missing from her life and she knows what it is and where to get it but not how to get it? That's basically my life right now. It's not bad.....it just is. Suspense.

sublesase anyone?

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 02:51:27 GMT

Hey guys! I'm looking for a subleaser for this summer in Clemson. My apt is $300/month + utilities in a great location. It is townhome style and 2 bedrooms/2.5 baths so you would have your own bed and bathroom. I dk if my roomie will be there this summer or not but if she is she's great and if not she may also be looking for a subleaser but we won't stick you with someone random and weird. Let me know if you or your friends are interested!